Sunday, January 3, 2016

God's Commandments 2016

God's Commandments 2016

1) You shall love all people, be kind to them, and help them as much as you can.

2) ... except for those who look different from you, act different from you, speak a different language, or worship ME even a little differently than you choose to. All those people you shall hate and be unkind to. (I know that this is contrary to what I had Jesus teach you, but hey, this is 2016 - you know, the year of the Trump.)

The Old Outdated Commandments

A new command I give you: Love one another.
As I have loved you, so you must love one another.
- Jesus of Nazareth (John 13:34)

Love your enemies, bless them that curse you,
do good to them that hate you, and pray for them
which despitefully use you and persecute you.
- Matthew 5:44

Monday, December 7, 2015

Religions of the World

Taoism: It's only shit if you think it is

Hinduism: This shit happened before

Buddhism: Maybe it isn't really shit

Evangelism: Shit portends the end of the world

Zen: Flush your own shit

Catholicism: When shit happens, I deserve it

Protestantism: When shit happens, THEY deserve it

Islam: When shit happens, blame an infidel

Jehovah's Witness: Knock, Knock, 'Shit Happens'

Judaism: Why does shit always happen to me?

Hare Krishna: Shit happens Rama Rama Ding Dong

Atheism: It's all shit

TV Evangelism: Here's some more shit

Rastafarianism: Let's smoke this shit

Saturday, July 16, 2011

Thomas Jefferson - Congress

If the present Congress errs in too much talking,
how can it be otherwise in a body to which the people
send one hundred and fifty lawyers,
whose trade it is to question everything,
yield nothing, and talk by the hour?
- Thomas Jefferson

Wednesday, April 6, 2011


Sometimes I wonder whether the world is being run by smart people who are putting us on or by imbeciles who really mean it.
- Mark Twain

Friday, August 20, 2010

The First God

The man looked up at the smoldering volcano. The forest below blazed brightly as the stream of glowing lava flowed downhill, torching each tree it passed. The man watched the animals fleeing in panic. He looked down at his wife and small child, knowing that they might well starve without the food that the eruption was destroying.

Looking up at the mountain, he cursed, "I hate you." In that moment a thing of rock was assigned a personality so that it could be hated, and the first god was created by man.

Monday, June 14, 2010

Cynical Quotes: Sayings and Quotes about Being Cynical

Please enjoy these Cynical quotes. After you have browsed through these quotes about being cynical, pause for a moment to consider what role you want cynicism and being cynical to play in your life.

Cynical Quotes: Sayings and Quotes about Being Cynical ...

A cynic is a man who knows the price of everything and the value of nothing.
- Oscar Wilde

Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.
- George Carlin

Watch what people are cynical about, and one can often discover what they lack.
- George S. Patton

I am free of prejudice. I hate everyone equally.
- W.C. Fields

Smile first thing in the morning. Get it over with.
- W.C. Fields

Tradition is the illusion of permanence.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry

You want to do mankind a real service? Tell funnier jokes.
- the Woody Allen movie Stardust Memories

We are just an advanced breed of monkeys on a minor planet of a very average star.
- Stephen Hawking

Well, you ask a silly question, and you get a silly answer.
- Tom Lehrer

You can always do one thing less than you think you can.
- anonymous

When you argue with reality, you lose - but only always.
- Byron Katie

What you want is irrelevant, what you have chosen is at hand.
- Spock in Star Trek VI

What is history but a fable agreed upon?
- Napoleon Bonaparte

We are born princes and the civilizing process makes us frogs.
- Publilius Syrus

Love is grand; divorce is a hundred grand.
- Anonymous

The four most important words in any marriage..."I'll do the dishes."
- Anonymous

Happiness is the china shop; love is the bull.
- H. L. Mencken

Love is a grave mental disease.
- Plato

Get the facts first. You can distort them later.
- Mark Twain

Work is the curse of the drinking classes.
- Oscar Wilde

A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
- Oscar Wilde

The rich are not born skeptical or cynical. They are made that way by events, circumstances.
- Paul Getty

I am neither bitter nor cynical but I do wish there was less immaturity in political thinking.
- Franklin D. Roosevelt

Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.
- George Burns